Better Than Perfect…Or Close Enough.

You can literally give someone exactly what they want. And they will find a way to bitch about how even that isn’t actually want what they wanted.

I want to write. I want to get paid for writing. Almost impossible.

I have never written anything worth publishing in my life.

Failed my English class in 11th grade. Still have pretty crappy grammar.
Don’t know how semicolons work; don’t want to learn.

But earning money through some corporation feels fake. The idea of writing something for someone else is annoying.

So now, I want to be an author. Make my money through my own words. But I have no idea what to write about.

I want to get paid for writing with no experience and no background in it. I just think my thoughts are really funny. If I can write down my thoughts, maybe others will find it funny too.

But the thing is. The string of thoughts is too long. The experiences needed for someone to find my thoughts funny in the same way that I do is impossible.

I think I know how to write the universal funnies. Which are fine.

But the special ones. The little moments that only work for me. It’s hard to explain why those little moments are funny to someone other than myself.

So I start journaling. To just make myself laugh.

But I can’t get paid for journaling. So I start to think of what would make my journal special? Why would someone find it interesting to read through another persons journal?

There are only certain moments that are extra special. So it would be about combining those specific moments together. Skip the boring parts.

There is too much autopilot in life. Too many events with too many details when it can all be easily be summarized with…

This time was really funny.
This time was love.
This time was terrifying.

But if I summarize too much it loses any sort of personality.

There is only one way someone can find something funny in the same exact way as you. It would mean they would have to experience every single thing you went through in life in the same exact sequence.

However.

If it’s close enough to your experience.

It’s actually really nice too.

Close enough is a million times better than perfect.
Wait…close enough is perfect.

True perfect is so rare in the universe. So much so that as soon as you see perfect. It quickly disappears.

Close enough at least is visible.

Crystals in their most perfect form are colorless. The shape of the clusters of atoms are the same shape no matter how much you zoom in or out of the crystal.

The only reason there is any color at all in some crystals is because of the impurities. It’s the imperfections that make them our favorite colors.

Not everything needs to be perfectly clear.

The perfect repeating patterns are nice. But the little impurities make them unique and pretty.

And as I sit in this little box. Typing away my thoughts. Avoiding writing my novel because I’m unsure if it will be perfect. If it will connect. If it will resonate.

I start to think. If it resonates with me. Is that not enough? Does every line need to be special to someone else as well?

If someone takes one sentence. One group of words I wrote in sequence and quotes it. That’s more than enough. Even if they hate 99.99% of the rest of it.

It’s more about the thoughts that you know will lead to more thoughts. No one can trail the thoughts of another human. Thoughts are personal. I don’t want someone to read and think “Oh man. Someone else already thought of this, now I can’t think it.”

I know that a lot of these thoughts are thoughts many have had before.

Little thoughts that everyone has. Little things that anyone can say, “…Hey, I thought of that a long time ago!”

I wouldn’t mind if I get misquoted.

I wouldn’t mind if things get misinterpreted.

I hope people don’t get mad if I myself misquote people as well.

Because the biggest thing I would be writing for would be for me. To understand myself as much as I can.

Because I’m sort of hard to pin down.

I get to sit in this box. Where I can sit in front of my computer. Connected with almost infinite energy coming from the wall. Where I can type out my thoughts extremely close to the speed that they come.

I am observing the nothingness. And making sure to pay attention what I see in the nothingness and note whatever seems important.

I am not getting paid yet…at least not with money.

I never really cared about money before.

I want money now though….

Where the hell do is my boss?

I need a raise.

Edited – 6/21/2020
Edited – 5/1/2021
Edited – 1/16/2024